so i’m still in hawaii… I took the best tumble in the ocean today… we are talking sand EVERYWHERE, saline clearning out the nostrils, rolling on the ocean floor tumble. I do not know how surfers do it and get lashed by their boards too, but it’s fun, there is something refreshing about the ocean being in complete control for a moment. Knowing you absolutely have no way of changing the situation you are in.

I was talking to my friend today and I think I’ve somewhat figured out where I am emotionally. I’m kind of lonely, still lonely. I’m absoultely okay with being alone if that’s my choice, but lately I feel like it’s been my only choice. I wish i was one of those deteremined, focused types that it was all I thought about… school.. working out…etc… But it’s not, I think about everything, I’m too well balanced. I’m the type that when I have a break from class I want to call someone and yet I feel that most of the time I have no one to call.

I guess I could look at all of this as a fine opportunity to change what I don’t like and embrace what I do, with no people distractions, but it’s still kind of hard. I think I’m awfully hard on myself also, I have a lot of expectations that I probaly shouldn’t have, but what can I say? I’m an expectations kind of girl. I guess I need to take all of this and maybe look at it like the ocean, I can fight for control, but most likely I’m still going to end up getting bashed, or I can try and just go with it and hope I find some air in a moment and realize that I’m probably gonna get some sand in my crotch. 🙂

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