there is a song by azure ray called “sleep.” i play it a lot when I can’t sleep.

this is one of those times. i’m sitting in the dark in the living room, it’s 11p, i have to be up at 545 for swimming and then a long day of classes, work, and more class. i have a small paper due tomorrow and my first chem test. it shouldn’t be that hard, it’s just a long day.

my living room is full of boxes that will soon go away. it’s amazing that we are almost at the end of people moving and our house is almost setteld. ana has had some interesting happenings as of late and it looks as though her stay here in the colby house may be shorter than both of us had originally planned. it makes me sad, i really like her and i really like her as a roommate. i selfishly hope that things work out in my favor, but i wouldn’t really wish that upon her. it seems as though even when i try and settle my life down a bit with the choices i make, life seems to shake it up for me. i know that i play a big part in making my life crazy, but as of late it seems like the circumstances have been outside my locus of control. i guess it’s all about learning there are some things we can choose and somethings we just have to learn to deal with.

jason sent pics from greece, i miss him, i miss calling him and emailing him at my every whim. i’m happy for him though, i hope europe gives him new perspective and meaning.

i was working at the ranch last saturday and i realized that a lot of our job is like being camp counselors. we supervise our clients, take them to meals, hang out with them, talk, make sure they are doing what they are supposed to be doing, etc. for the most part i think it’s fun. i think it’s fun to help them and talk with them, one of my favorite guys is leaving soon, he inspired a bubble gum blowing contest last week. ahh, the good times at the ranch.

i realized that a lot of my friends are getting married, having babies, and doing all those settle down type things. i sometimes wonder why i am not on that bandwagon. don’t get me wrong, i think if it happens it’s cool, but am i missing the overwhelming desire to have it? does that mean i will always be single? will there come a point that all of a sudden i cannot stand it and i’ll seek it out? i’m not sure, but i’m still going with the flow, i’m open minded, but not needy.

okay, i’m going to attempt to sleep again….